Why FAMILY TRADITIONS and Holiday Activities Are the Building Blocks of Close Family Ties

Home for the Holidays

Every Christmas I made unusual gift baskets for some of our neighbors, close friends and co-workers. Candace, who is very creative and loves tasks like this, always helped me. We bought unique ornaments, wrapped my favorite pumpkin gingerbread loaves with vintage fabric and unique ribbons, made nametags out of tree shaped sugar cookies, and generally had fun. Since we made about forty baskets, it was quite a project.

This year, however, I had five-month-old twins, and I told Candace, “The baskets aren’t happening. It’s too much work with the twins. I just can’t do it.” What she said next shocked me, especially since she was never the stay-home-and-do-family-things kind of girl. She was more like the I-can’t-wait-to-get-out-of the-house-and-party kind of girl. “Mom,” she said, “we have to do the baskets. It wouldn’t be Christmas if we didn’t do the baskets. I’ll do them for you.” Wow! That’s when I understood the powerful role traditions play in the life of any family.                     

Family traditions create powerful memories

Ask a thousand people to tell you about their favorite childhood memory and most of them will talk about family holidays, vacations, traditions and rituals — events they repeated over and over: Dying Easter eggs with Mom on the kitchen table, watching dad carve the Halloween pumpkins with his electric mini-saw or getting a green tongue form green milk and green scrambled eggs on St Patrick’s Day.

Children and adults alike cling to traditions because they create predictability in an unpredictable world. We look forward to things we know we will enjoy because we have enjoyed them before. These traditions give us a sense of comfort and security since they are associated with memories of good times with people we love.

The building blocks of happy families

Traditions are truly the building blocks of strong, happy, connected families. They give us reasons to celebrate every month… planning and anticipating something fun to do together. Traditions are consistent celebrations of family life that show us that we belong to a group, and we are an important part of that group. In a simple but powerful way, family traditions create the memories that connect us to each other forever.

Research finds numerous benefits

Family researchers agree that traditions are powerful as they weave many protective factors into family life. Therapists often use family rituals and traditions as homework assignments for troubled families to help build connections. Research shows that children and teens in families that celebrate traditions achieve higher levels academically, are better adjusted emotionally and socially, and exhibit higher self-esteem and positive identity. Family traditions and rituals also help kids learn social competence, feel a sense of security, stability and peace, and develop stronger relationships as adults. Perhaps the most important benefit in our DIZZYBUSY lives is that family rituals and traditions seem to ease the stress of daily life. I want to say that again…

Spread joy throughout the year

Think of all the memories that surround the holiday season. And all the activities and projects that you need to make happen to create those memories. Imagine spreading that joy (and work) throughout the year with something fun to plan, celebrate and reminisce about each month. You can even take activities that you now cram into the holiday season and enjoy them at different times of the year, when life is less hectic. Shake it up. Deliver gift baskets in May when it’s least expected and most appreciated. Send your holiday cards in July. Make a gingerbread house for Grandparents Day. Make a list of some of the activities you now do for the winter holidays that you could do at other times of the year.

Christmas Bingo

Meg Cox, author of The Heart of the Family, wanted to create a family life rich in tradition. She spent three years researching and interviewing families to find out what they do. Meg collected hundreds of heartwarming stories. Here is a great example of the power of family traditions..

Whenever possible, the Brock family of Oregon travel back to Iowa to participate in their family’s annual Christmas bingo game. “The game has been going on for more than forty years, and each year some fifty adults and kids gather to play again, with each family contributing presents for the winners.

Some of the gifts are nice: homemade fudge or attractive picture frames. But a few have been recycled for decades, including a pair of enormous red silk panties: ‘My husband and I once hid them in a test tube inserted into a freshly baked loaf of bread,’ says Barb. Everybody roars hysterically when the panties reappear each year.”   

...because Happy families don’t just happen

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