How FAMILY FUN Creates Loving Relationships and a Sense of Belonging for Kids

When my older children were ages eight, twelve, and sixteen, we used to have family meetings each Sunday evening. The children took turns being the leader, which meant that they ran the meeting, chose the dinner menu, and brought a quote about life to share. We used a big pad of paper for the quote and set it up on an easel for all to see during the week. When it was Sean’s turn to run the meeting, I expected him to come to me for help with his quote, since he was only eight. He did not. Without a word, he stood up and wrote on the pad, the following lyrics from a 60’s Rolling Stones song:

“You can’t always get what you want,

but if you try, sometimes,

you get what you need.”

We were all blown away. How did Sean even know this song? I have always been amazed at how people, big and little, step up to the plate when you set the stage for them to do good things.

Sunday Funday

Years later we started a different weekly activity. We called it Sunday Funday: the day we didn’t do any chores, run errands, or work. I still had to cook, do dishes and make lunches for school on Monday, but Sunday Funday was relaxing compared to every other day of the week. We each picked two things that we wanted to do that day, and we tried to do as many of them as we could, showing respect for each other’s wishes. Of course, I had veto-power. The eight hours of video games my boys wished for every Sunday never made the cut.

We were playing a board game one Sunday afternoon when my 17-year-old, Sean, decided to join us — probably, I suspected, to exert his older brother power and push our 6-year-old twins around a little. Sure enough, within an hour Sean called Dylan a loser, sending him running to my room in tears, where he slid under the bed.

I went after him, lay down beside him and tried to make him feel better. “He’s just a teenager and he doesn’t really mean it.” I wasn’t helping. Dylan kept repeating, “I’m a loser, Sean said I’m a loser.” Finally, I said, “Who are you going to believe, your mother, who is older and knows more about these things or Sean, who’s still a kid?” Dylan responded, with absolute conviction, “Oh, Sean, of course. He’s taller than you, so he’s smarter than you.” Family time doesn’t always go the way we want it to. Just do it anyway. It’s the good and the bad all rolled together that makes life so precious. At the very least, you get a funny story to laugh about later.

It’s time to press pause

Research shows that strong families spend intentional quality time together. Family fun time is another great opportunity to weave several protective factors into family life: communication, quality time, traditions, shared memories and lots of love. Stop all the hustle and bustle and do something fun together. Put family first by setting aside a day and a time to have fun: play cards, go bowling, hiking, or work on a craft project. Protect family time by saying no to television, phones, or work-related interruptions. Friday nights are great since everyone can relax at the close of the week. So, press pause and enjoy.

Kids need down time too

Research also shows that our busy lifestyles are negatively affecting our children even more than we thought. The lack of connection with loved ones is causing them to feel anxious, stressed and pessimistic about life. We’ve been led to believe that more sports, music lessons and chess clubs are going to prepare our kids for a better life. Some of that is great, but all the extra-curricular activities in the world will not make up for the lost opportunity we have to teach our children valuable life lessons and build strong family ties. Be selective. One or two activities per child are all they need and probably all they can handle. Kids need down time, when nothing is planned and when it’s quiet enough for imaginations to kick in and spontaneous connections to occur. And so do we.

Family fun night for all ages

FAMILY FUN Night is a great opportunity to create a sense of belonging - for all ages. A happy family is one in which all members have a voice, are respected and believe they matter. So put FAMILY FUN Night on your calendar to make sure it happens. Think of activities that make it possible to interact and talk — such as board games, riding bikes, baking cookies for a neighbor, or making a photo album. It may cause teenagers to roll their eyes, but you’d be surprised at what they’re really thinking. They want to be included but don’t want you to know that. That’s why we, as parents, need to insist on what we believe is important and not be deterred by a little teenage resistance.

The FAMILY FUN Box

The FAMILY FUN Box is a great tool from 10 MINUTE PARENT, where everyone can write down their ideas (parents can help the little ones) for FAMILY FUN Night and then on Friday night one of the kids picks an idea from the box that will be the activity for that weekend. This is what creates that sense of belonging that is so important for children. Everyone’s wishes are respected. Tools are powerful because they encourage participation and create anticipation. There is something physical to see, touch, and focus on. And they remind us that we wanted to do something we decided was important. The comment below is a great example of how tools like this one can bring an experience alive:

“My children absolutely love the FAMILY FUN Box. It has a permanent place of honor on our dinner table. I cannot begin to describe the anticipation every Friday night as the activity is drawn from the box or the exhilaration of my children when their idea is chosen. This one activity could single-handedly transform a family’s closeness.”

~Julie Lowery~

Making Kindness Fun

“Every evening the kids and I spend time in the front yard either playing baseball or working in the garden. Nolan, an older gentleman of 77, is one of our favorite passersby. He comes by every evening around 6:30 to walk his dogs. He is such a neat man to talk to. A few months ago, I noticed that I had not seen Nolan in quite a while. Then one evening his wife was out with the dogs. I asked her about Nolan, and she said that he’d had a bad stroke several months ago and was now confined to a wheelchair. She said his outlook on life was grim, and he was having a hard time adjusting to his change of lifestyle. My boys and I thought it would be nice to do something for Nolan, so we filled our last “Generosity Basket” with flowers, treats, and bright cheery notes. We rang the bell and left the basket hanging on the doorknob. The boys had fun peeking around the corner, being careful not to be seen. The next day we were out and about and guess who stopped by. To our surprise it was Nolan! His wife was pushing him in the wheelchair while he held the dog’s leash. He greeted us with the most amazing words. He said, “Erica, I would like to thank you and the boys for the beautiful basket. That was the most precious gift anyone has ever given me. Matter of fact, if it wasn’t for you and the boys, I wouldn’t have left my home.” His eyes were teary, and so were mine.”          

~ Erica Oresky ~      

...because Happy families don’t just happen.

Learn about REAL-LIFE Parenting

REAL-LIFE is a new parenting style that’s getting a lot of attention from parents who are tired of exhausting and overwhelming parenting strategies that don’t feel right, don’t seem to be working, or do more damage than good. REAL-LIFE is a balanced way of parenting that respects the needs of both parents and children. It’s about being REAL, being REALISTIC, and preparing kids for REAL LIFE. To learn more, click below.

What does a REAL-LIFE Parenting Member get?

The REAL- LIFE Parenting Membership offers a surprisingly simple step-by-step SUCCESS PATH that can transform your family life from chaotic and stressful to balanced and joyful. Click below and you will see the SUCCESS PATH, Trackers, LET’S TALK Conversation Starters, MINDSET Mini-Tools, 3-IN-1 FAMILY FUN Bundles, and other benefits that are included in this $14/month membership program.