MINDSET Mini-TOOLS:
Below are twelve MINI-TOOLS that have been designed to work in conjunction with the LET'S TALK about LIFE digital conversation starters. They focus on the same topics each month, and provide interactive experiences that relate to what the family has been talking about. Both tools help parents teach their children more positive and productive mindsets that lead to happiness and success.
RESPECT - The FAMILY FUN Box
We all need to feel like we belong somewhere and that we are important to others. The FAMILY FUN box helps parents create that sense of belonging. It gives every member a voice and makes them feel respected.
Everyone writes their ideas for FAMILY FUN on the idea cards and puts them into the box. You can help the little ones or have them draw a picture. On Friday night, someone picks out one idea and announces which activity the family will enjoy together over that weekend.
Everyone participates, even if it’s a tea party with bears or building Legos. This is a simple, but powerful way to connect because it makes everyone believe he or she is an important, respected, and valued member of the family.
You will be surprised at how much your children will look forward to seeing whose idea gets chosen for the weekend.
EMPATHY - Partners in PEACE
It takes two to tango and it really is possible to walk away from conflict. Kids need to learn how to see someone else’s perspective and resolve differences on their own. That takes a lot of practice.
Family is where we feel safest, emotionally, because we are stuck with each other. Sit everyone down that has been involved in the conflict and tell them that if they can resolve the argument on their own in X minutes, they will then be rewarded with (whatever reward will motivate them).
Give them each a Partners in PEACE card and explain the three questions that they should try to answer that will help them resolve the argument themselves.
If they are too young to read or write, you can ask the questions, but let them think of their own answers. (1). How did you help create the problem? (2). How could you have avoided it? (3). What could you do to resolve the problem now?
MINDFULNESS - Power in the PAUSE
The point of mindfulness is to become aware of what is going on in our minds and then learn how to manage our thoughts and emotions so that we can pay attention to what we want, when we want, and for however long we want.
Any kind of threat creates a reaction in our brain that turns on the flight-or-fight mechanism and blocks the thinking part of the brain. It doesn't matter if it is physical (like an approaching bear) or emotional (fear of rejection, loss or humiliation). The brain doesn't know the difference. Most of the decisions and poor behavior we later regret happen in those first moments when we are not thinking, but just reacting emotionally. We don't think because we can't think.
When we learn to pause (do nothing) and give ourselves time to understand and manage those emotions, we are able to think rationally and make smarter decisions that are in our best interest - instead of decisions we regret.
PURPOSE - My Book of DREAMS
Scientists and experts tell us that having a purpose in life and knowing that you are contributing to the world in some valuable way, is one of the most important mindsets that can lead to happiness and success in life. The highest form of purpose involves using your talents and doing something you love.
You can cultivate the purpose mindset in your children by encouraging them to dream big and share their dreams with the family. This simple act makes dreams feel more and more possible. Ask your kids to talk about what they want to be when they grow up and why. Make a note in their DREAM books. It will be fun for them to look back at the variety of visions they have had for their future.
Parents should share their dreams as well. Dreaming and planning keeps us excited and alive. It’s important at any age...
COURAGE - The Box of COURAGE
Everyone has a number of things they are afraid of, some rational and some not-so-rational. The simple act of talking about our fears takes courage and feeling the support from loved ones can give us more courage to try to overcome those fears.
Children are much more comfortable talking about their fears when parents openly share their own.
Everyone picks out one fear to focus on for the month, and writes it on their Courage Card. Include “What’s the worst that could happen?” and “How would I handle that?” Then share it with the rest of the family.
Be careful not to criticize or make fun of each other’s fears. Listen, validate and be supportive. Throughout the month, help each family member think of ways to conquer their fear, and ask how you can be helpful.
RESPONSIBILITY - PICK-UP Partners
Most parents spend anywhere from 15 to 45 minutes a day picking up and putting away junk that kids leave out: clothes, shoes, backpacks, wet towels, toys, dishes, milk cartons, video game equipment, toothbrushes, you name it.
At 30 minutes a day, that adds up to 182 hours a year, or 22 eight-hour days of work. Wow! That’s like a month of vacation!!
PICK-UP PARTNERS can get you out of that habit quickly and put the burden back on the children — where it belongs. Kids should be responsible for picking up their own things and cleaning up their own messes.
The surprise bonus with this tool is that, once they see how much work it is, they will start nagging each other to pick up their own things.
KINDNESS - TWICE as NICE Dice
Research tells us that relationships need more positive interactions than negative ones to stay strong and loving. If you’ve been unkind or disrespectful - even if you didn’t mean to be - the best way to make up for it is to do something “Twice as Nice” for that person.
Ask the guilty person to throw the dice and then do two things, from the list below, that match the two numbers that turn up on top. Or create a list that works for your family.
(1) Write one nice note of apology
(2) Give her/him two real big hugs,
(3) Say three good things about him/her
(4) Share four reasons why you’re sorry
(5) Do a five-minute chore for her/him
(6) Bow down, kiss his/her feet 6 times
HONESTY - The WHITE LIE Pie
One of the most important things parents can teach their children is honesty. But there is a big grey area called the “white lie,” and it’s not easy to define.
We lie about Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. We lie about our own problems when we tell people that everything is fine - when it’s not. We lie when we say someone made a beautiful painting — even though it’s ugly. We lie when we say we’re happy to see Aunt Margaret’s husband, who is abusive - when we don’t mean it at all.
It’s important to know the difference between a real lie and a white lie so that we can act appropriately respectful, polite, and kind in situations that call for such behaviour.
RESILIENCE - WINNERS Plan to Fail
We think winners are always winners, but they’re not. Most winners lose a lot before they figure out what it takes to win. The secret to winning - or achieving any goal - is to not give up. But what's the secret to not giving up?
If something doesn’t work, winners move to plan B or plan C. They don’t see losing as a failure. They see it as a piece of the puzzle that didn’t fit, and just look for the next piece to try.
Use the cards included to help each other think of something you would each like to accomplish or work towards during the month. This includes mom and/or dad. Everyone participates. Brainstorm together and make of list of three steps that would bring you closer to those goals, than think of a plan B and a plan C - in case plan A doesn’t work.
GRATITUDE - My GRATEFUL List
Gratitude is not a trait we’re born with, but rather a mindset that can be consciously trained.
We think of gratitude as the feeling that follows positive experiences, but it’s actually a way of looking at life that creates happiness. Joy isn’t dependent on external circumstances we can’t control.
Studies show that happy people are not happy because of the big things they have earned, purchased, or accomplished: the high-power job, the beautiful partner, the big house.
They are happy because they have learned to appreciate and enjoy little things throughout their day. We can actively choose to be happy by practicing gratitude, and the best way to start is to make a list of things you are grateful for, and hang that list in a place where you will see it as a daily reminder.
GENEROSITY - 30 Days of GIVING
Sit down with your family and use the “my GIVING idea” slips to brainstorm what a person could do to make someone else’s day a little brighter.
Start with simple things like smiling at strangers, saying thank you, passing out genuine compliments, letting someone in line behind you go ahead, giving your sibling the biggest piece of cake. You will be surprised at how many little ways there are to be generous. Then add more time-consuming gifts: secretly make someone’s bed, put a love note under a pillow, offer to help with the dishes, mow the lawn without being asked.
Try to do one new generous thing a day and share what you did with the family. You will see, as the month progresses, that your children discover - and like to talk about - the true joy they experience from giving.
OPTIMISM - JOY Competition
Start a very simple family tradition that can help everyone develop a more positive outlook on life. Make mealtime, when you are all together, a time to share the best part of your day. Take turns and really listen. This simple ritual expresses a lot about who we are and what makes us happy.
Use the Joy Competition Chart to stimulate some healthy competition. Anyone who shares their “three good things that happened today” earns a check on the chart. This is a game where everyone wins. You can select rewards together, so your kids will be more engaged. Anyone who completes a certain number of “JOY” boxes during the month will be rewarded with a treat. And you can also plan a special activity/gift/treat if the whole family completes all 30 days.
