We Can Be SUCCESSFUL at Work AND Great Parents Too - with a Lot Less Stress and a Lot More Joy

A new approach to work/life balance

Most work/life balance advice fails because it is based on the idea that you need to prioritize how you spend your time and eliminate some of the things that are less important. Since “being a good parent” is a top priority, we can’t eliminate it, even though it takes up most of our non-working hours. And, since we BELIEVE that we need to be doing everything for and with our children, “being a good parent” becomes an overwhelming, exhausting, never-ending job. It may seem, at first, that I am proposing the same prioritize-and-eliminate advice. But I am not. Slashing less important tasks off our TO-DO list usually leaves us feeling like we are giving up something. But once you understand that some of the things we do for our children are handicapping them instead of helping them, they won’t even be on your TO-DO list anymore. And you end up gaining benefits, not losing them.

No need to lower expectations

Wouldn’t it be great if we didn’t have to lower our expectations and convince ourselves that we’re okay with “good enough” when we know we’re not?  Wouldn’t it feel wonderful to go to work feeling like a great parent, knowing that we’re giving our children everything they need and that there is time left over for us, our spouse, and our friends? The truth is, we CAN have a simple, joyful, meaningful family life — despite the challenges we face today. We CAN be successful at work and great parents, too — without driving ourselves crazy, neglecting our health, or lowering our expectations. We CAN give our families everything they need with less money and less time.

Easier for parents, better for kids

What’s important is building loving relationships with our children, preparing them for life, and creating memories that will keep us connected as a family forever.

The solution is simple. We stop doing some of the things we waste time on that are not good for our kids, and free up time for family, fun, and friends, which will give us balance. We can get more sleep, exercise, and maybe slip in a date with our spouse. We will also have more time to do things with our families that we have been neglecting and feel guilty about, such as family dinners and family fun night. Life is easier for parents and better for kids.

HAVING it all without DOING it all

The problem with the “have it all” debate is that we are focused on TIME instead of RESULTS. If “having it all” means having a high-powered job that takes us away from home 60 or more hours a week AND spending 50 hours a week with our children, then having it all is impossible. There simply aren’t enough hours in the day. If “having it all” means having a successful career and being a great parent too, then yes, that is very possible.

We need to be realistic, though. And yes, we need to make choices. There are certain professions that are inherently demanding and naturally create conflict for people (men or women) who also want to be good parents. If it’s important to be there for every birthday and every special event in your children’s lives, then maybe delivering babies isn’t a good career choice, since you can’t control when your patients are going to need you. Whether it’s work/life balance or any other aspect of life, you can’t have “everything.” You can’t be a racecar driver or a policeman without taking risks. You can’t be a campaign manager without having to travel for long periods of time. You can’t eat cake and ice cream all day long and stay skinny. That’s life.

We need to help each other find balance

Since men have become more involved in their children’s lives and are now feeling the guilt and the stress that women have been talking about for years, we can work together with our partners to ease the stress and create the lifestyle we want.  For now, we just need to stay focused on what’s most important. Getting to the top of the ladder may be a wonderful goal, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve won, if you have sacrificed what’s important and you feel miserable about the rest of your life. Why not leave those extremely demanding jobs to people who choose not to have kids? They deserve to have something we don’t have if they are willing and able to work 60, 70, or 80 hours a week. “Having it all” isn’t about having everything. It’s about having what’s important. What’s important is doing a good job at whatever profession we choose and feeling appreciated and respected for our contribution. What’s important is building loving relationships with our children, preparing them for life, and creating memories that will keep us connected as a family forever. We can do all that and we don’t have to be home 16 hours a day to do it.

The question is, what SHOULD we be doing?

We all know what we want for our families: loving connections, strong family values, and happy holiday memories. We want to raise good kids. And we want them to come back home year after year, with spouses and grandchildren, happy to see everyone. But what exactly should we be doing to make all that happen?  And how can we do it in the limited time we have? What can we cut out? Busy parents need help sorting through the chaos of life to figure out what’s worth spending time and money on and what’s not. We have too much information, too many choices, and not enough time. I hear the same comment, again, and again: “I’m too busy to read parenting books. I don’t even know which one to buy. I just want someone to tell me what to do and how to do it.”

I know it’s possible because I’ve done it

I raised five of my own children, while working full time for 35 years. I owned my own company and therefore had a lot of responsibilities, including being the primary bread winner for our family. Compared to what I see happening in the parenting world today, I found it to be a joyful experience. Since I had a degree in Child development from UC Berkeley and spent many years reading the literature and research on parenting, I had a pretty good idea of what children needed to thrive. Plus, I ignored trendy advice from parents of toddlers who had no idea how their kids would turn out.

I am not saying it was easy, or that my kids were perfect. Teenagers do what teenagers do, and parents do everything they can to keep their kids safe and healthy until their brains mature. But they all did well in school, had good friends, participated in sports, went to college, have great jobs they love, and have stayed connected to each other and to their parents. They are kind, responsible, respectful, and hard-working. They don’t hesitate to jump in and help each other (or mom or dad) when needed. What more could a parent possibly hope for?

I know what you’re thinking; How did she do it? Well, that’s why I started 10 Minute parent. To share what I learned, but I’ll tell you right now some of the things I didn’t do. I didn’t do my children’s homework, or science projects, or college essays. I didn’t encourage my kids to sign up for any sport or extra-curricular activity unless they really wanted to - and never more than two things. I didn’t leave work to bring a forgotten lunch or homework assignment. I wanted them to experience the natural consequences of forgetting. If a child lost or broke something, they had to earn the money to replace it. And I didn’t spend hours a day trying to entertain kids who were perfectly capable of entertaining themselves. Most important, I made sure they did chores.

At 10 MINUTE PARENT we help parents create a less stressful, more joyful, family life with 10 minutes a day of “good parenting” moments. These are the moments that make us feel like good parents. You’ll learn about HAPPY FAMILY HABITS (the 3 most important things happy families do), and DIZZYBUZY DOZEN (12 things parents should STOP doing now), which waste time, money, and prevent children from learning and growing into competent adults.

REAL-LIFE Parenting is about giving our children ROOTS & WINGS: A foundation of loving relationships and a sense of belonging (ROOTS) that make it easier to prepare kids for REAL Life with the REAL skills, mindsets, and values (WINGS) they will need to find their own happiness and success. There are NO books to read, NO daily emails, and NO hour-long podcasts. We’ve developed simple tools that do the work for you by creating conversations and activities around the life lessons you want to teach your children. You can relax and enjoy the time you have with your kids, knowing that you are giving them everything they need to become responsible, resilient, kind, grateful, and confident adults - who are prepared for REAL LIFE. 

Learn about REAL-LIFE Parenting

REAL-LIFE is a new parenting style that’s getting a lot of attention from parents who are tired of exhausting and overwhelming parenting strategies that don’t feel right, don’t seem to be working, or do more damage than good. REAL-LIFE is a balanced way of parenting that respects the needs of both parents and children. It’s about being REAL, being REALISTIC, and preparing kids for REAL LIFE. To learn more, click below.

What does a REAL-LIFE Parenting Member get?

The REAL- LIFE Parenting Membership offers a surprisingly simple step-by-step SUCCESS PATH that can transform your family life from chaotic and stressful to balanced and joyful. Click below and you will see the SUCCESS PATH, Trackers, LET’S TALK Conversation Starters, MINDSET Mini-Tools, 3-IN-1 FAMILY FUN Bundles, and other benefits that are included in this $14/month membership program.