We Feel GUILTY for a Reason, We Can’t Just “Let It Go”

Nothing seems to be working.

With everyone feeling so overwhelmed and stressed-out, work/life balance has been a hot topic for quite a while. Businesses are spending billions of dollars trying to help working parents with flexible schedules, remote working, on-site childcare, gyms, and medical services. They’ve tried free massages, ping-pong tables, and every type of workshop or consultant imaginable to help employees deal with the stresses of life. Some companies have even offered concierge services to pick up forgotten homework, walk the dog, or look in on an elderly parent. Yet we still feel as stressed-out and overwhelmed as ever.

We know what we’re supposed to do

We’ve bought the books, listened to the experts, and read plenty of articles. But, for some reason, it doesn’t seem to make a difference — no matter how hard we try. The advice makes sense and some of it helps, but never enough to bring true balance to our lives.  Why? Prioritizing works if you’re spending time doing unimportant things that you don’t mind eliminating from your to-do list. 

If being a good parent is a priority, you’re not going to cut that out, even though it’s consuming an overwhelming amount of your time. Managing your time is easier said than done. Finding time to exercise, go on a date with your spouse, or relax with friends simply causes more stress, because you know you’ll have to pay for it by staying up late to finish a report or fold the laundry.

Stressed-out is the new norm

It’s no wonder we believe that work/life balance is a joke, an unrealistic concept that we don’t expect to achieve. We’ve given up on getting organized and managing our time better, so our focus has shifted to managing the stress.  We’re so used to high levels of anxiety that we consider it normal and joke about it at social gatherings. Stressed-out has become the new norm.

We feel guilty for a reason

My very favorite of the work/life balance tips is “letting go of the guilt.” Seriously? Who thought of that one? You can’t just “let go” of guilt. It doesn’t work that way. You may be able to repress it or distract yourself from it temporarily with a glass of wine, a hot bath, or a few laughs. But it doesn’t go away. It’s still there, underneath, waiting to surface when your emotional guard is down. Why? We feel guilty for a reason. It’s our conscience telling us that we are not living our lives the way we BELIEVE we should be. I am not saying that what we believe is realistic or practical or fair. It’s simply what we believe. And, as long as there is a gap between how we THINK we should be behaving, and how we ARE behaving, we are going to feel guilty.

Since guilt seems to be linked to the anxiety and stress we feel, it might help us get at the heart of the work/life balance problem if we understand it a little better. In the simplest of terms, we feel guilty because we’re afraid that we can’t succeed at what we believe we are responsible for and what is expected of us. We feel inadequate. Parenting is such an important job. We love our children deeply and want to give them everything they need for a happy, successful like – and we are afraid that we are failing, or at least doing a poor job, of parenting. 

Why do parents today feel so guilty?

We don’t spend enough time with our kids. We don’t sit down to dinner often enough and talk. We don’t get to every game and every school event. We don’t have time to make cupcakes for fundraisers or put photos in albums. We don’t make amazing gourmet lunches. We let our kids stay up too late, and we know we’re not teaching them to be responsible or respectful because we don’t have the energy. Plus, we don’t want to be the bad guys when we have so little time together. But where did all these expectations come from? Certainly not from our own parents. They didn’t seem to feel guilty about how much time they spent with us. If fact, if we got in the way, they simply sent us outside to play and told us to “be home by dark.”

The truth is parenting has become much more difficult than it needs to be. Our parents believed it was their job to prepare their children for REAL Life - and that’s what they did. But parents today have been told for decades - by parenting experts, teachers, therapists, and influencers - that it’s their job to MAKE their children happy, GIVE them self-esteem, and CREATE success for them. That’s an impossible job. No one can do that for someone else, but parents keep exhausting themselves trying to do it. We’ve been led to believe that if we give our kids enough trophies, enough A’s and enough praise, they will think like winners. We all know that’s not how it works, but we go along with it because everyone else is, and we don’t want our kids to miss out.

Today’s parents are following parenting trends that not only make life difficult and stressful, but also prevent their children from growing into confident, resilient, kind, and competent adults. At the same time, families are so busy with all the extra-curricular activities and added responsibilities that parents have had to let go of some very simple, but important, family activities. Doing chores and talking about life at the dinner table both have an enormous impact on a child’s future happiness and success. More of an impact than all the extra-curricular activities that we spend so much time rushing around to. And this is supported by decades of reliable scientific research. So, we’ve all been barking up the wrong tree and feeling guilty because we’re not doing enough of the wrong thing.

What is REAL-LIFE parenting?

REAL-LIFE is a new parenting style that’s getting a lot of attention from parents who are tired of exhausting and overwhelming parenting strategies that don’t feel right, don’t seem to be working, or do more damage than good. REAL-LIFE is a balanced way of parenting that respects the needs of parents and children. It’s about being REAL, being REALISTIC, and preparing kids for REAL LIFE. To learn more, click below.

What does a REAL-LIFE Parenting Member get?

The REAL-LIFE Parenting Membership offers a surprisingly simple step-by-step SUCCESS PATH that can transform your family life from chaotic and stressful to balanced and fun. Click below and you will see the SUCCESS PATH, Trackers, LET’S TALK Conversation Starters, MINDSET Mini-Tools, 3-IN-1 FAMILY FUN Bundles, and other benefits that are included in this $14/month membership program.