REAL LIFE Has an Amazing Way of Preparing Kids for REAL LIFE

We’ve forgotten how REAL parenting works

We seem to have lost track of what’s important, and we’ve forgotten how REAL parenting works. We need to let children experience REAL life: the natural lessons that come with challenging situations and the uncomfortable emotions that accompany those difficult experiences; frustration, disappointment, embarrassment, failure, rejection, loss, fear, etc.) because that’s the only way they will learn how to handle those emotions and thrive. Below are nine REAL LIFE RULES that will give you a better idea of what we mean by REAL Parenting:

1.  We can’t GIVE someone self-esteem

But we can provide opportunities that help build self-esteem, such as learning new skills and taking on difficult challenges. No one can do it for them, and children are not fooled by praise and trophies they didn’t earn. They know when they deserve it, and they know when they don’t. Self-esteem comes from trying, failing, getting up and trying again — and knowing you have what it takes to persevere. That’s the behavior we need to encourage and reward.

2.  We can’t MAKE someone else happy

But we can teach our children how to find their own happiness. Anyone who has been in a long relationship has learned this the hard way. We try and try to make someone happy and finally realize what an impossible task that is. We are each responsible for our own happiness, and that is one of the most important things you can teach your children. Happiness comes from feeling good about who you are and how you choose to live your life.

3.  We can’t CREATE success for someone

But we can encourage and support the success they want. Parents are doing homework and science projects for their children, hoping to create success for them, but they are only setting them up for failure. When it’s time to really perform (in college or in a job) and there is no one there to rescue them, they will fail and be devastated because they will not have learned how to succeed on their own or how to get past failure and disappointment and move forward.

4.  REAL life has natural consequences

If we really want to prepare our children for real life, we need to teach them that they (alone) are responsible for their choices and their behavior — and that how they choose to behave has consequences. If we spill milk, we clean it up.  If we forget our lunch, we eat the crummy one that the school office provides. If we lose a sweatshirt, we need to work to earn the money to buy a new one. If we abuse the phone, we lose the privilege of having one. It’s simple. REAL life does an amazing job of preparing kids for REAL life — if we just let it. If we try to protect our children from experiencing those real-life consequences, we end up with a kid in high school who cheats in his honors English class because he knows his dad will step in and fix it.

5.  REAL parents are better teachers

Parents have also been led to believe that we need to project this image of being the perfect parent: always calm, always happy, always in control, never angry, sad, or disappointed. It’s not realistic and therefore a lot of extra work for parents. But think about what that says to your children: that being human, making mistakes, and feeling the range of emotions we feel is somehow BAD. This does your children a disservice. We can’t control how we feel. We can only control how we behave and that is what we are trying to teach our children: how to behave.  By expressing your own emotions (age-appropriate for your children) and talking about your own difficulties, you are teaching them how to deal with those emotions and situations.

6.  REAL people have better relationships

You don’t want to burden your children with serious personal problems (unless you need to), like financial difficulties, scary medical details, or infidelity, but you can certainly talk about real-life issues that parallel the experiences they might be having. For example, you’re disappointed because you didn’t get picked for a team project at work and someone less qualified did. Or you’re sad because you had a misunderstanding with a good friend, and you want to patch things up. Or you’re frustrated because you wanted to get into shape, and you’ve only been to the gym once this week. Kids can relate to these problems, and you can talk about solutions. Be real, be authentic, and your children will see you as a real person with needs and dreams and vulnerabilities. It will make them more comfortable with their non-perfect self, and more likely to listen to what you have to say. You will also develop more meaningful relationships that will go on long after they have left the nest.

7.  Trust your instincts about parenting

Ignore the frustrating work/life balance advice about prioritizing, getting organized, time management, and de-stressing tips. It’s not about being efficient and fitting more into your day. It’s about doing less and doing the things that matter. Ignore the impossible expectations you hear about every day on social media that add more things to you already overwhelming list. We need to trust our instincts about parenting. If you’re feeling exhausted or overwhelmed and you think your children are acting selfish, irresponsible, or spoiled, they probably are. But you can turn that around. REAL life does a wonderful job of teaching children about REAL life if you just step back and let it happen.

8.   When it comes to parenting, less really is more

The most loving thing you can do for your children is to prepare them for life by giving them the emotional strength and the personal skills they need to find their own success and happiness. This should not create more work or effort on your part. On the contrary, this should make your life easier, as you let your children take more responsibility, make more decisions, and experience the consequences (good and bad) that result from their choices. Just remember how you let them stumble and fall, and get up and fall again, when they were learning to walk. Their entire childhood should be more of the same, while they are in your safety net and the consequences aren’t nearly as serious or harmful as they will be later in life.

9.  A parent’s job is to prepare kids for REAL LIFE

Every time my children complain or argue with me about a decision I’ve made, I repeat some version of this: 

“My job, as a parent, is to love you, to keep you safe and healthy, and to prepare you for life. My goal is to teach you to be responsible for yourself, to be respectful, honest and kind, to get along with others, and to make good choices — so that you can find your own success and happiness in life.  I take my job seriously and every decision I make is based on what I believe will help teach you the skills you need for a good life, not what will make you happy right now. That’s my gift to you.”

Learn about REAL-LIFE Parenting

REAL-LIFE is a new parenting style that’s getting a lot of attention from parents who are tired of exhausting and overwhelming parenting strategies that don’t feel right, don’t seem to be working, or do more damage than good. REAL-LIFE is a balanced way of parenting that respects the needs of both parents and children. It’s about being REAL, being REALISTIC, and preparing kids for REAL LIFE. To learn more, click below.

What does a REAL-LIFE Parenting Member get?

The REAL- LIFE Parenting Membership offers a surprisingly simple step-by-step SUCCESS PATH that can transform your family life from chaotic and stressful to balanced and joyful. Click below and you will see the SUCCESS PATH, Trackers, LET’S TALK Conversation Starters, MINDSET Mini-Tools, 3-IN-1 FAMILY FUN Bundles, and other benefits that are included in this $14/month membership program.